Life changes

Goodbyes are so hard.

Sure even when we give them a tagline like

‘see you later’

…somehow even though outwardly we feel like we’re changing the game,
truth is there’s still loss.

I can remember the trip back home was always harder than the trip there.
Because saying good bye always involved leaving someone I loved behind.

Thirty some odd years later Of traveling back home and this was the first Christmas my parents weren’t there to fix up our room and get their home ready for the holidays.

It’s such a strange feeling…being here without them.
Something you really have no words for until you find yourself living inside it.

I used to mindlessly hover over this season of life not giving it much thought thinking i’d somehow be ready when the time came.

And then before I could catch my breath I was there…funny, but you’re never really ready for times like this.

The hope of heaven is real and it helps the ache but it doesn’t remove the loss…

And change is a big part of it.
I don’t like change.
I tend to be a person who likes my rhythms to remain the same…
because change is unpleasant worrisome and even painful.

Even when something good is about to change, it can be unsettling to navigate through its way.

So I try to avoid it even when it has my best in mind.

No matter how I feel about change though it’s chased me down the past few years and I’m still trying to catch my breath.

I’ve walked through some hard & holy moments that I couldn’t have ever seen coming…I’ve courageously stepped through the changes that were handed to me…and through it all I’ve chosen to peel back a little bit more of my soul because even though I’d rather avoid it
<<<change has a way of writing itself into our story.

You see,
even though I might strive to avoid it…change is imminent.
Everything in life changes…
seasons change…people change and even our relationships change.

So, what should we do?

This is where life shifts…we have to choose if we’re going to let fear keep us from moving ahead or whether we’ll choose to become a whole lot more brave and stare down the self-doubt that’s keeping us up at night.

And to be completely truthful-
some days I’m up for the battle but then there’s the days when I let fear talk me out of it.

I often wonder if I was brought into this world with deep emotions planted in the crevices of my heart…for as long as I can remember I’ve felt deeply…loved with everything I’ve had and ached inside every nerve I could feel.
And its been really hard because I’ve not always known if what I felt was real or it was merely the remnant of some shattered memories taking over.

But its in the midst of these days that I do some deep soul talk and remind myself that change is coming whether I like it or not.
Life may look different these days and I may even be a bit different too.

Because life has a way of changing us and we need to choose whether we will be about the change or let the change be about us.

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