As we recently drove all over the coast of Maine where I grew up, I thought about how impactful ONE decision can be in one’s life.
Years ago I knew my life wasn’t headed in the right direction.
There was too much brokenness needing a whole lot of healing –more than I’d found.
I longed for relief from the pain that was pooling deep within…some people really never find the healing their hearts are looking for…I wondered where I’d end up in it all.
My husband leaned over as we were making our way toward Boston we were both stealing glimpses of the colorful trees out the window, who were giving us a sneak peek of their fall foliage. My husband thoughtfully apologized for stealing me away from the beauty of this place I once called home. What he didn’t realize was if he hadn’t found me thirty some years ago wandering through life I wouldn’t have been given the life I now have.
The chance to live free… to break out of the cocoon I had wound myself in, sheltering my heart from any additional pain.
Funny how our lives crashing into one another back then eventually became the wholehearted healing I was needing. The ministry God called me to was the very thing God used to draw me closer to Him.
Not all brokenness curses us for a lifetime sometimes it’s just for a season that we limp.
That ONE decision I made to follow God’s leading so long ago bumped me straight into the one I gave my love to for a lifetime doing what I love.
When all this happened my life was in such a shattered mess…the numbing of pain, the days striving for approval and scrubbing away any hint of abuse, feeling so used up and believing lies I was nothing special, always hiding in the shadow and never feeling seen.
A lonely girl who longed to be found while all the time I didn’t know what my life really needed.
Not sure how quickly a life gets off course but thankful God’s able and willing to redirect us.
Honestly though it wasn’t God I was looking to find me…I had grandeur hopes of being discovered.
Don’t we all down deep long to become known.
Perhaps someone would see there was something more beautiful underneath all the mess I was lugging around….
Why do we have such a hard time believing in our worth?
I suppose we’re afraid there’s not enough of it to go around.
I was a young, insecure soul craving affection…desiring to be known and seen by others.
I can remember seeking attention for just the right look or approval.
While all the while God knew me so well and continued dropping crumbs to lead me to Him.
I was convinced He wouldn’t be enough to fill the bottomless cavern that was swelling deep within the inner walls of my chest…
I wondered what it’d take to fill my unending longings.
I begged Him to not lead me to a man, I needed healing from the brokenness several men had caused and I never imagined entrusting my heart to another.
But He tenderly whispered into my ear one day….
‘It’s him I’m giving you to heal the wounds which lay within your brokenness.’
You see every one of us needs to feel the power of love….God-size love that is!
And God knew my life needed to feel what love handed down from Him was like.
His Manna from Heaven!
I‘d already experienced the counterfeit kind-of-love….a seemingly small touch stolen without my permission….a dirty thing the enemy calls ‘love’ was not what God intended for me.
He had so much more for my life.
As He does for yours!
So, sisters whether you’re young or greater in days–know God’s love can never be exchanged for something temporary or something taken without your giving.
A guy who leads you to anything other than the love of Christ is offering something that will quickly fade away.
Your heart was tenderly handcrafted by a loving God who made it for Him to embody and then to be shared with another.
My husband’s apology that day didn’t find a home in my heart for it was through my leaving of this beautiful state I was able to have my life restored.
It was through the traveling down this road that I was able to be found by a loving God who is healing me and making me whole.
Friend, if your life feels like its traveling in circles and its got you wondering if you’ve been passed by or somehow been forgotten-
Know the God of this Universe who skillfully and wonderfully designed you made you on purpose for a purpose!
In His economy- every life matters!
Seek Him first sweet one..follow after His desires and in the process your heart will become satisfied.
At just four years old a piece of mine was stripped and torn away.
We find this kind of brokenness when we are just living our ordinary lives in any given county or state. The boundary of land doesn’t make it’s choosing.
Mine occurred in the walls of our home by a trusted individual.
This pressure that causes a soul to finally bust can be different for each of us but the shattering of it occurs much of the same.
The blessing of it all is my memory of this actual event lies below.
I have no memory of the details of its abuse but only the clean up that came from that day.
What beauty I’m able to find today within this memory comes as I think about how our God is a God who is all about the process of restoring the pain that our lives have a way of enduring.
Many of us can sometimes wear our brokenness as a badge of honor, rather than seek for it’s healing.
But brokenness is often how God is able to break through one’s soul…its here where He does the restoring of our souls.
For there is nothing too big, too lost, too far gone for Him to make new and bring back to Him.
He longs for every soul to find it’s healing and worth!
And the road to this healing has no expiration.
You see, reconciliation is God’s reason for sending His Son, it’s His greatest gift to us that often occurs through the pain of our brokenness.
Friend, the journey back to Him is a sweet one that reminds us of our deepest need for Him as our soul finds complete rest in His care!